It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
