and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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