i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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