i jhust puked up my retainher.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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