I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
