I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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