my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
