dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
