Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
