i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
