You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My life is pants optional.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
