It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
