i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
