So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
