I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
