Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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