She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All the doctor said was why
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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