i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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