i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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