Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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