So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
