Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
