WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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