guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I am available for nakedness
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
