Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
