I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
