I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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