It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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