Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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