i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My life is pants optional.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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