I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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