I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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