Having a random hookup so left but love u
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
