oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
