My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
