Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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