Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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