Don't you send me to vm
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
