My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
