You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
