let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
