Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
