Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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