the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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