You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
