I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
