i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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