drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
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