that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
