she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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