i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
