I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
