And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
